Seventh Year Swap
by allythebunny
Summary: Six seventh years switch bodies to get into the Wizarding Secret Service. Rated for implications and SLIGHT language. HG/NL, DM/HG, DM/PP DISCONTINUED.
1. Prologue

Introduction

Draco whispered softly into Hermione's hair. "I love you, Hermione. I really do."

She turned around. The two were sitting in the Slytherin common room, studying like normal. After they had become friends, she had decided to help him with his homework.

"You called me Hermione," she noted.

"I say I love you, and you notice that I call you by your first name?" Draco whistled. "How sad is that?" he rolled his eyes.

"Well, you say that you love me every time I finish one of your essays," Hermione rationalized.

"Remember, I'm the Slytherin Prince. The Slytherin Sex God, remember?" Draco tickled Hermione lightly on her stomach, making her giggle.

"So what? Platonic friendship only, remember?" Hermione took her turn rolling her eyes now.

"Well, what if I don't want a platonic friendship?"

"Well, what if I do?" Hermione stared into Draco's eyes. "Look it, Malfoy. We've been friends for less than a week. I'm not one of your Girls. I'm not going to hop into bed with you. Ever. Very sorry. Here's your essay." She pushed the essay into his hands and hugged him quickly before walking out of the common room and into the dungeons. Malfoy followed her quickly.

"Hermione, listen!" he called behind her. "I don't want you like that. I… I love you Hermione."

"Shut up Malfoy." She turned around and briskly slapped him on the face. "You've been cruel to me for eight years now. This is just a joke you're pulling on me. Listen up, pal. I hate you. Don't ever speak to me like that again, you understand?"

Draco turned around, pretending not to be hurt, although he knew his silver eyes would betray him. "Whatever. I'll just go find Pansy then."

"You do that!" Hermione yelled behind him, and he heard her storming away down the stone corridor.

"Crap." He threw himself into the common room. Pansy was, as usual, sitting on a sofa, preening herself.

"What's wrong, Draco?" she asked sweetly, getting up to 'greet' him.

"Nothing, Pansy…" Draco trailed off. Maybe Pansy was just what he needed. Just then, Blaise walked in.

"Hey Drake!"

"Hey Blaise." Draco grinned at him less happily than usual, for Blaise walked over quickly.

"I think that you need a new girl. This one obviously isn't giving you enough satisfaction." Blaise coughed, and Pansy stormed off, annoyed.

"I could get any girl I wanted," Draco protested angrily.

"Any girl in the whole school?" Blaise asked, chuckling.

"Of course." Draco nodded firmly.

"How about a bet, to test your theory?" Blaise laughed.

"Who?"

"Hermione Granger." Blaise chuckled darkly, having overheard the discussion in the hallway.

"Fine." Draco turned away angrily. There was no way to win this bet. "What price?"

"You have to declare your love to Harry Potter if you don't get Granger to say she loves you in one week."

"No freaking way." Draco stared at Blaise like he was a maniac.

"Yes way. It starts midnight tomorrow, have fun." Blaise walked away to snog Pansy in a corner.


	2. Chapter One

Hermione POV

It was Malfoy. Bloody Malfoy. He was such a git sometimes. I mean, he was so… hot. Oh, I did NOT just think that. I've never even seen him with his shirt off…sometimes I'd like to though… all right, get your mind off of Malfoy, he hates your guts. Even if he did just pronounce his love to you. Urgh. I turned towards the door to the Slytherin common room, fully intending to apologize, but then I saw Malfoy throwing Pansy against the wall, snogging her while she tried to rip his shirt off. Then I ran off.

Draco POV

I saw Hermione out of the corner of my eye as Pansy finished ripping all of my clothes off. I grabbed her and stalked into a dormitory to finish what we had begun, but I couldn't find it in me. Seeing Hermione run off like that, her eyes full of hate and pain? That did me in. I stopped kissing Pansy and ran out to grab my clothes. Blaise snickered.

"Fallen for someone special, ey? Not Granger, surely!"

"No, not Granger, you prat," I managed. "I don't fall for anyone. I just think encouraging Parkinson is a REALLY bad idea right now. After all, first she snogs you and then she tries to shag me! She's getting worse."

"Just like you're doing with her and Daphne?" Blaise winked at me. I growled at him angrily and stalked off into the corridor. Maybe I could find Hermione and convince her that she really did love me. Maybe she just needed a good shag. That was the one thing I was good at. That could work.

Hermione POV

Malfoy leisurely grabbed a chair in the library, where I was already studying, despite it being the first day back.

"What are you doing here Malfoy?" I snarled at him.

"Stop being such a… MERLIN!" Malfoy fell out of his chair before he could finish. I cracked up.

"I'm no Merlin, Malfoy." Then I saw what he was seeing. Professor McGonagall was stalking towards us with her fists clenched tightly. "Um, Professor, um, are you all right?"

Malfoy, who had recovered himself by this time, laughed slightly. "Suffering from constipation, professor?"

McGonagall scowled at him. "No, Mister Malfoy, I have something for you and Miss Granger." She held out a hand to each of us. Lying in her closed fists were two letters. I grabbed the one outstretched to me and undid the seal. The letter read:

"Dear Miss Granger,

You have been selected for a special challenge. This letter will only be received by six seventh years. You will switch bodies with a randomly selected student who has also received this letter. You may tell no one about this change. You will remain in this state for the rest of the year, unless there is a problem. Thank you for your cooperation. Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress"

I stared up at McGonagall. Malfoy was doing the same. She stared back down at us with equal intensity. Malfoy, however, was grinning slightly. I had no idea what about.

"Do you both understand?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes ma'am," we replied quickly. I rolled my eyes at Malfoy, who was beaming for no apparent reason. McGonagall swept from the room.

"So what, we just change places with people for the whole year?" I asked, annoyed.

"Apparently. I'm telling Blaise, though. I suggest you tell the Weasel, you don't want him snogging the wrong girl."

"That's true," I mused, and got up to tell Ronald about the switch. "But why Blaise? Or do you snog him in your spare time?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well, sometimes maybe I do…" Malfoy trailed off mockingly. I sighed and swept from the room in the same style as McGonagall.


	3. Chapter Two

Malfoy POV

I ran to the common room, past Pansy, who was busy snogging Goyle. Her taste was getting worse and worse, I swear. Blaise was grinning at me on a couch. I sat down on a loveseat and started explaining.

"Look it, Blaise, I'm going to be switching bodies with someone. So is Granger. We don't know who else is, though. We're not supposed to tell anyone."

"Nice. So what happens if you switch with a girl? There goes your reputation as Slytherin Sex God…" Blaise smirked at me. Then he sat bolt upright. "You said Granger is switching with someone too? Oh, wonderful. Now you just have to find her and get her to tell you that she loves you… but she can't know that it's you until after."

I nodded. I had expected that. "But of course, my dear git. I'll seduce her, you mark my words. But can I have two weeks? One to find her, one to seduce her?"

"Done." Blaise got up and walked away, signaling the end of our conversation.

Hermione POV

Two whole hours passed before I turned in for bed. My dreams were strange and eerie. I walked through corridors and into each of the House's common rooms in turn before walking back to Gryffindor and going into a dormitory I had never been in. Then I woke up in a cold sweat in an unfamiliar bed. It had green sheets. I was a Slytherin. I looked over the edge of the bed to see the name on the girl's trunk. Pansy Parkinson. I was Draco's on again, off again girlfriend. Great.

Draco POV

I woke up in a red bed. Shoot. I was in Gryffindor. It was early morning, and the sunlight was just beginning to filter in through the window. I looked at a mirror on the bedside table to see who I was. I was Weaslebee. Crap. I was Hermione's on again, off again boyfriend. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. Now, who was SHE?

Hermione POV

I got up and began fishing through Pansy's trunk, trying to find something decent to wear. There was nothing. So I threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a low cut t-shirt and combed through my hair quickly before stalking into the Slytherin common room. Blaise was sitting there with his hair slicked back for once. He looked at me coolly.

"So Pansy, shall we finish what we started?"

"No Zambini we shall not." I huffed out of the room without so much as a "Good day." Blaise stared after me in awe.

Draco POV

I got up quickly and started to get dressed. Didn't Weasley own ANYTHING tasteful? No, obviously not. Otherwise, I would be able to dress normally. But hey, this was my body now, not his. I'd buy him some NEW clothes. I pulled on a blazer and some jeans and started walking out into the corridor when I was ambushed by a blonde girl in a pink shirt.

"Ronny, I heard you and Hermione broke up! Shall we have a go?" she asked, throwing her hands around my neck.

"No, we won't. Don't call me Ronny, either. You will from now on refer to me as Ronald." I stalked off towards the exit, towards freedom to find Hermione and convince her to say that she loved me.

Neville POV

I woke up in Draco Malfoy's body. McGonagall had given me a letter the previous day explaining what would happen, but I never expected to have to become Malfoy, the git. I saw Pansy refuse to shag Zambini, so I figured that she was another one of the unlucky seventh years. I decided to ask her who she was later.

Pansy POV

I woke up in Luna Lovegood's body that morning. Ugh. She had no clothing that suited me. But I was sure I could change that VERY quickly. I got up and pulled on a t-shirt and the shortest skirt she owned, which was actually pretty short. Then I combed my hair and pranced out of the dormitory. Maybe I could find Malfoy. He was always up for a shag, no matter who it came from.


	4. Chapter Three

Hermione POV

I walked into the Great Hall and almost sat down at the Gryffindor table before I remembered who I was. I sat down next to whoever was playing Malfoy, hoping he wouldn't think I was different than usual. Unfortunately, he noticed right away.

"Hey, I saw you refuse a shag earlier. You aren't Pansy Parkinson. Who are you?"

"I AM Pansy," I insisted unenthusiastically. "Who are you? And don't say you're Malfoy, we got our letters at the same time."

"Oh. I'm…" he lowered his voice. "I'm Neville. Neville Longbottom."

I was immediately relieved. "Oh. I'm Hermione. Sorry, I can't really trust just anyone, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Neville/Malfoy rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous. Who's Malfoy, do you know?"

"No idea. I wish I knew. I wonder who's in your body? Or even better, who's in mine?"

"I wish I knew that too." Neville shook his head slowly.

Luna POV

I went down to breakfast in Hermione's body. We were finally in the same year, since all of the seventh years had been kept back, but not the rest of the school, to make things easier. We would all 'have the chance to right our education' later. Whatever that meant. I was actually rather relieved at not having to answer riddles whenever I walked through the entrance to the common room. I met up with Ron and Harry just in case they got worried and we walked together to the Great Hall, Ron swaggering unusually.

"Ron, I think you're infested with Nargles," I said before I remembered that I was Hermione. He just stared at me. "Sorry, I've been hanging around with Luna too much."

"Who?" Ron stared at me. "You mean Looney Lovegood? You've been hanging around her? I never thought you would sink that low, Gran- I mean Hermione."

That's when I figured it out. "Ron can I talk to you real quick?" I asked, and we ducked around a corner.

"All right who are you?" he asked me when we had stepped away from Harry.

"Luna Lovegood. And you're Draco Malfoy. Let's stop the pretense except for around Harry. I'm NOT going to snog you no matter what, so put it out of your mind."

"Never would think of it." Malfoy shuddered. "Do you know where… well, who… Granger is?"

"I think we rotate. If we can only figure out the other girl in this pattern, then we can find Hermione."

"Good point. Um, how do we figure that out?"

"We start by finding Ron." I rolled my eyes. "Duh."

"Good point. I think we do that by figuring out who's in my body, and who's in yours. Let's go." Malfoy ran off. I smiled and joined Harry again.

"What was that about, 'Mione?" he asked me.

"I needed to ask him something. Don't worry about it Harry."

"Okay." Harry peeled off to sit by Neville. "I gotta ask Neville about Herbology homework. See you, 'Mione."

I immediately walked over to the Ravenclaw table to find… myself. The person inhabiting my body was sitting on the side closest to the Slytherin table. I walked over to her and sat down quickly.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Luna Lovegood," she answered, annoyed.

"No you're not. I'm Luna Lovegood. Who are you?"

"Oh, good, that's that cleared up. I'm Pansy Parkinson. Why?"

"We're trying to figure out who's who in this mess. Hermione's you, then. Great." I ran off to find Malfoy.


	5. Chapter Four

Malfoy POV

Luna Lovegood –in the body of Hermione Granger- ran up to me in the Great Hall.

"I found Hermione. She's Pansy Parkinson." Then she sat down. "That's bad. They're nothing alike."

I found it bad for a different reason. Pansy Parkinson would never fall for Ronald Weasley. Wait. No, she was Granger. Of course she would fall for Ron, with my Malfoy charm influencing her. This was perfect. She wouldn't care who she was pretending to be, she would still want to be with Ron. Brilliant.

Ron POV

I sat next to my own body in the Great Hall that morning. Of course, I looked thoroughly repulsed by myself, but I didn't care.

"Who are you?"

"I'm… Ron Weasley. Duh. Neville, are you feeling all right?" the guy asked with mock concern.

"Dude." I leaned in. "I'm Ron Weasley. So who the hell are you?"

"Oh. Ew. Blood traitor alert."

"Oh. Ha, ha, Malfoy, very funny. I'm pureblood now. And YOU'RE the blood traitor. Ha ha bloody ha."

"Oh that's a real nice joke, Weaselbee. Now when can we switch back?" Malfoy asked, annoyed.

"The day before we leave Hogwarts, of course." I rolled my eyes. "You're not only a git, you're a stupid git, apparently."

"That's not true. Don't call yourself stupid, Weasley. You're insulting yourself. Now, where's Longbottom? Oh, right, he must be in MY body. Great. He'll ruin EVERYTHING."

"No, he won't. Neville's a brick."

"Whoa, were you born two centuries ago?" Malfoy sneered at my choice of words.

"Totally." I sneered right back. Then Malfoy looked at me.

"How would you like to get your body back with Hermione?"

"That would be nice, yes."

"Well, Hermione's switched too. Luna Lovegood is Hermione now."

"So who's Hermione in?" Ron asked slowly.

"Pansy Parkinson."

"You want me to get together with PARKINSON?" I nearly screamed.

"No, I want ME to get together with GRANGER. There's a difference, Weasel."

"Not much of one…"

"So basically, you and I are the same, as are Granger and Pansy?"

"No." I spit the words out.

"Then shut up. You're too stupid to know what you're saying anyways."

"I would hit you, but Neville would never hurt a fly." I scowled darkly and turned away. "All right, smartass, be that way. I'm going to seduce Granger though. You may NOT tell her that it's me. You see, I've got a bet with Blaise…" and Malfoy began to tell me of his incredibly stupid bet.

"What, do you want me to HELP you?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, actually, I do." Malfoy smiled a real smile for the first time. I looked good when I smiled. "You will 'find out'…" here he made finger-quotes- "who Granger is. Then you will tell her that I… well, you… want to go out with her. Got it?"

"Yeah whatever." I turned away again and began stuffing my face with bacon.

Hermione POV

Neville Longbottom came up to me later, during Potions. "Pansy?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah?" I answered, trying to stay true to character.

"Um, Ron Weasley told me to tell you that he wants to ask you out." Neville blushed and looked at the ground.

"Oh." I was shocked. Then my Hermione instincts kicked in. "No, tell him no. I will not go out with a blood traitor like him."

Neville cleared his throat. "Um, okay, I'll tell him. Um, thanks, I guess." He shuffled away. I stared after him. My worst temptation was to call him back, tell him that I would go out with Ron, but I didn't. I was Pansy Parkinson, snotty, ridiculous Slytherin. I smiled at Malfoy/Neville, and he smiled back. If worst got to worst, I could date him. At least he was a friend.


	6. Chapter Five

Neville POV

I smiled at Pansy/Hermione. I was getting up my courage to ask her out. I had wanted to for such a long time… I shook my head quickly and got up from the desk. Potions was over, and I had a sudden idea. I walked towards Ron/Malfoy.

"Hey, Weasley, I was thinking that I want to ask out Pansy. I saw that you wanted to, that idiot Longbottom told her. He also told me something interesting about a bet…" I watched Malfoy/Ron turn bright red, then white. "This should be interesting, no?"

"You can't," Malfoy gulped. "I only have thirteen days left!"

"Oh, yes, I can. I just really want to see Ron tell Harry that he's in love with him…" I chuckled and turned away.

"No, wait! It'll be you, you git! Cause you're the one in my body. Oh. Great." Malfoy finally came to his senses. "That's no good, you'll just ruin my life." He slumped in his seat, defeated. I actually laughed in his face. It felt good.

Pansy POV

I was having so much fun in Lovegood's body. I didn't think it was possible. But ruining people's lives WAS fun, after all. I made it down to the Great Hall, of course. Then, since it was a Friday, I had a free period after breakfast. So I sought out Anthony Hopkins and snogged him. He replied with such force that my brain nearly melted through my body. He shoved me against the wall, licking my lips. Gosh, I had missed this. I pushed back and shoved him into a broom cupboard. He closed the door. And so I shall close the door on what we did. (A/N- I'm sort of trying to keep this rated T, okay?)

Draco POV

I sighed as I walked back to the Gryffindor common room. I would have to get McGonagall to switch me and Neville. This was getting too hard. Nobody had to know, though. Just me and Neville. It was perfect. I would be pretending to be Neville who was pretending to be me. I changed direction mid-stride and started walking to the Headmistress's office. The gargoyles smirked at me.

"Going somewhere, DRACO?" one asked.

"I have to see Professor McGonagall. It's really important."

"Important, eh?" the other asked. "Well, if it's so important, I'd better let you in." It cracked up as the staircase began spiraling, signaling that I could come in. I ran up the stairs and knocked hard on the door.

"Come in!" The professor sounded very tired. When I walked in, I was extremely surprised to see my body in there too.

"Let me guess, you want to switch back to your own body, right?" McGonagall said. I nodded. "Well, Neville would like his body back too. But we can't do that, now can we? Not unless Mr. Weasley is willing."

"I don't know about that, ma'am. Could he stand being in Weasley's body? I really want my body back, thank you." I sighed. "You see, I want to be with Granger, and she's in Parkinson. This would make everything so much easier, don't you see? I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not."

"Do you understand why I chose you two for this swap?" the professor asked.

"No, I've got no idea." Longbottom spoke up first.

"Ditto." I sighed again. I seemed to be doing that a lot. It was getting irritating, actually.

"Well, we started this program five years ago. We chose six seventh years to switch bodies for the year. They all hated it and tried everything to get back in their own bodies. But only two actually switched bodies again, and only one got back into his own body. Every single seventh year that stayed in someone else's body became part of a sort of Wizarding Secret Service. They're better than Aurors, and much more secret. If you switch back, Mr. Malfoy, know that you'll never make it in."

"Well, I don't want to be a freaking spy. I want to be able to show my face in public."

"Oh, but they do. I'll name exactly one for you. Victor Krum. He was in the program in Durmstrang."

I gaped at McGonagall. "What? But he's a Quidditch player! A famous one!"

"And he's also in the WSS. He monitors every Quidditch player out there, making sure they aren't doing anything illegal. He actually found two that were breeding dragons and sent them to Azkaban."

"But that… that was Percy Weasley!" Longbottom managed to stutter.

"No, that was Krum. They pasted it onto the Junior Undersecretary to the Minister to make him feel good about himself, plus Krum wasn't supposed to know about that anyways."

"So who was in Krum's body? I mean, he did the Triwizard Tournament." I smirked, knowing there was no way that McGonagall could get out of that.

"He was in sixth year. He did not tell anyone. Only the teachers and the Durmstrang students knew." McGonagall was completely serious. I breathed in and out deeply.

"Okay, Professor. I get it. But… why me?" I asked.

"Because YOU are the one who is the most resourceful, most cunning man in Slytherin."

I just gaped. Longbottom had the intellect to just blink a few times.

"Well, then, Professor, then getting Granger to go out with me in ten days will be no problem for the most cunning man in Slytherin. Just one problem: I'm not IN Slytherin anymore. I'm in freaking GRYFFINDOR! In freaking WEASLEY'S BODY!" I glared at McGonagall.

"Well, if we trade you with Mr. Longbottom, then you will almost certainly not get the WSS job."

"I don't give a damn about that job! Just let me back in my body!"

"Well, Mr. Longbottom, would you be willing to trade with Mr. Malfoy? You would be in Mr. Weasley's body, as I'm sure you realize."

"Of course, professor. Sure." I beamed a real smile Neville's way as he replied.


	7. Chapter Six

A/N: OH MY GOSH I'M SO SORRY! I haven't updated in forever, you guys must HATE me! Anyways... Draco's making a bit of progress, stay tuned! R&R, please! ~Ally

Neville's POV

I felt like I was apparating. One second, I was in Malfoy's body, then I was hurtling around, bouncing off walls, and basically running into Malfoy/Ron. Then it was over. I was in Ron's body. Malfoy was beaming at me from his own body. I smiled back weakly. Poor guy. He couldn't ever get that incredible job now. I was so stoked when I heard about the job. I wouldn't trade back into my own body for anything now. And we weren't supposed to tell anyone about THIS switch, either. This was just getting more and more complicated. Malfoy turned to me as we walked out of the room.

"Okay, so I need your help. Nobody can know that I'm not you pretending to be me."

"Not even Hermione?" I whined.

"Especially not her. She likes you, I can just see it in her face." Malfoy curled his upper lip in disgust. "I need to get her to like ME. So try not to ruin my reputation in Weasley's body, okay? I'll worry about my own reputation. Got it?"

I struggled with his logic for a second, then came to a conclusion. "No. I'm telling her."

"No you aren't." Malfoy stared at me. "You can't."

"You'll break her heart when she finds out that it's you, not me. You know that, right?" I scowled at Malfoy.

"No, because I'll get her to love me throughout the whole year, and then at the end, I'll break it to her. Gently."

"You'll botch everything. She'll blame me and Ron, you know."

"No, I'll make her like me."

"Wanna bet?" I sneered at Malfoy. "If she doesn't mind it being you, then I…"

"You have to tell McGonagall that you're madly in love with her." Malfoy smirked.

"And if she does mind, you have to tell Snape." I smirked right back. He held out his hand, and I shook it.

Draco POV

The next day was nice. I was back in my own body, and the only person who knew was Longbottom, and he wasn't telling anyone. I nodded brusquely to Hermione in Pansy's body, and she smiled back. This would be so freaking easy. She started drawing nearer to me as we walked towards the great hall.

"Hey Neville?" she asked tentatively. I nodded, this would be much easier (and it would keep within the terms of the bet) if she thought I was Longbottom. "We should… you know, be Malfoy and Parkinson. They're together, right?"

"Did you just…" I blinked quickly, like I figured Longbottom would. "Ask me…" I couldn't even figure out the right words.

"Yeah. Um, do you want to go out with me?" she gulped. I nodded quickly with an excited expression on my face that I quickly wiped off. It felt really unnatural. She had been grinning as well, but she cleared her face as well and started smiling slyly, more like Pansy's normal expression.

"Good job with her face," I noted. "It looks just like her."

"Thanks." Hermione blushed. "You look a lot like Malfoy. You've got his swagger down pat, and his sneer. Now if only we could get the conversation."

"We don't have all of their actions," I noticed. "They snog in the hallways all the time." Hermione nodded. "Should we…"

"Probably." Honestly, I was quite happy with this turn of events. I threw Hermione against the nearest wall with a force that surprised both of us and started kissing her fiercely. Her eyes widened quickly, but then she was kissing back and nobody even noticed, which just showed how often I did this with Pansy. Her lips were so soft. I was definitely on my way.

Hermione POV

Neville shoved me against the wall with a force I didn't know he had. In fact, I didn't think he had ever kissed a girl before, and yet here he was acting exactly like Malfoy. Then his tongue snuck out and flicked against my lips, and I broke the kiss.

"I think that's enough, MALFOY." I twitched my head sideways. "Let's save it for the bedroom, eh?" I smiled quickly and turned on my heel to walk into the common room. What was THAT?


	8. Chapter Seven

A/N: As promised, in return for your 4 reviews, over 1000 words! Sorry it took me so long to update, I sort of lost motivation.

Neville POV

I watched in horror as Malfoy shoved what appeared to be Parkinson against a wall, snogging her furiously. This had to stop. And quickly. I rushed into the Great Hall after them, hoping to catch Hermione/Parkinson, but she sat down next to Malfoy immediately and started talking to him. I frowned and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Harry clapped me on the back good-naturedly as I sat, and then I remembered that I was pretending to be Ron. Luna/Hermione frowned at me as I sat down. I shrugged at her and smiled. Obviously Malfoy hadn't done that, because she blinked twice and stared at me.

"What's up, Malfoy?" she asked me quietly, over the sound of Harry chewing with his mouth open.

"Just in a more… genial mood, I guess. A more Longbottom-ish mood, if you get my meaning." I smirked.

I watched Luna/Hermione's face. First she looked confused, then worried, then happy, then confused again. "Neville?"

"The one and only. Sort of. I mean, there are more Neville's than just me, but…"

"I get it." Luna laughed. Harry straightened up and looked at us.

"You guys sharing secrets?"

"Nope." Luna/Hermione shrugged. "Just talking."

"'Kay." Harry lowered over his bacon and started eating again. "Widdich 'day. Gotta eat uh."

Luna looked at me, lost in Harry's mumblings. I smirked.

"Ron does this all the time. He's just eating too quickly. I think he just said Quidditch today, gotta eat up."

"Shouldn't you be acting like that?" Luna pointed out.

"You're right. Ron's always eating." I started scarfing down some eggs. Luna watched me with a curious expression on her face. I didn't smile for fear of letting some eggs out of my mouth, but shrugged happily. Once I had swallowed, I noted, "You know, Hermione and Ron are together. I noticed that you definitely didn't kiss Malfoy. Like at all. I bet people are getting suspicious."

"You're probably right, but I've never kissed a boy before." Luna/Hermione's face colored immediately.

"Well, I've never kissed a girl. Unless you count Mum." I laughed. Luna did too.

"Well, if you count Daddy, then I've kissed a boy."

"Do you two realize just how awkward this conversation is?" Harry butted in, having heard our last few sentences. I nodded.

"Yes Harry. And we're just joking." I hoped Luna would catch on. She did.

"Duh! Now if you two will excuse me, I need to get to the library to…"

"Study." Harry and I said the last word at the same time as her, and we all cracked up.

"Well, I've got that new lesson, Occlumency, in fifteen minutes, and Professor Snape…" I made a face at the title, "will take away fifty points if I'm late again. See you, Harry. See you, Hermione." I started walking towards the exit, knowing full well that Occlumency wasn't until the next period. But Harry didn't catch that. I needed to talk to Luna, so I waited just out of sight until she exited the Great Hall.

"Luna, we need to stop Malfoy. He's out to break Hermione's poor heart."

Draco POV

I stalked to Occlumency an hour later. Pansy didn't have it, so Hermione didn't come, sadly. She had walked away, so I was still trying to figure out what she had thought about… that. I myself thought that in the terms of the bet, it was a step towards the goal, but there was a nagging little voice in the back of my mind that sounded a lot like… Hermione. Over and over, it said "You know that you'll break her heart. She thinks you're Neville. She's never forgive you, and you'll hate yourself for it." But I pushed the voice away. Breaking hearts had never really bothered me before, but this was different, and I couldn't figure out why. It annoyed me, and finally, I paused outside of the Dungeon door. Then I turned around and started walking towards the Slytherin common room. I had to talk to Hermione.

Hermione POV

Neville caught me as I was walking out of the Slytherin common room to go to the library before Arithmancy.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Occlumency right now?" I asked.

"Hermione, I need to talk to you."

"Well, we're both here, talk." I scowled at him, then grinned.

"Look, I don't know if I can keep up a charade in public like Malfoy and Parkinson do. It's too uncomfortable. I was just taking my moves from what I've seen of him earlier, and I got slightly… carried away. I've never kissed a girl before."

"Unsurprising." I laughed. "Just kidding. You were fantastic, actually. It was exactly like Malfoy."

"You've kissed Malfoy?" Neville laughed confusedly.

"No…" I rolled my eyes. I saw a glimmer of a Malfoy-like smirk on Neville's face, and then it was gone, and I was left wondering as he started walking away.

Luna POV

Neville and I had formulated a plan. Unfortunately, it wasn't my plan. Mine involved catching the Nargles in the left-over mistletoe and stuffing Malfoy's head full of them so that he'd goof up. Neville vetoed that immediately. His plan was probably better anyways, since the mistletoe had been removed the day before. We would just tell Hermione that Neville was actually in Ron's body, and she had just made out with the real Malfoy. The problem was, would she believe us? Oh, and if she did, would Malfoy screw it up? The probable answers: no to the first, and if yes, then yes to the second. You could always count on Malfoy to screw things up.

Draco POV

I managed to wipe the smirk off of my face before Hermione noticed it. She HAD kissed Malfoy. She just thought it was Neville. I started to walk off, but she called, "Malfoy?"

Obviously, there was someone else in the room. "Yeah?"

She put on her most mysterious smile, but it looked horrible on Pansy, and it made that voice in my head start all over again. "Let's stay in the next Hogsmeade weekend, eh? It'll be a lot more fun in here…" she smirked, a smirk almost as good as mine, and turned on her heel and walked out. What was she PLAYING AT?


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: So, I'm going to make a deal with you. From here on out, every time I get a review, I'll write and upload another chapter... within a day or two if I can manage it. Oh, and this chapter is for claire96 for her ultimate faithfulness.**

Pansy POV

I watched Granger, in my body, stalking out of the Slytherin common room. I hurried up to her.

"Granger." My voice came out low and irritated.

"What, Parkinson?" she sounded tired.

"Look, you're ruining my reputation. I've heard some Slytherin kids wondering why I wasn't hooking up with anyone. You need to get it together and start acting like me."

"Well, you're not doing such a great job. Everyone's been asking what's wrong with Looney Lovegood."

"Not my fault that I don't understand what a Crumple-Horned Snorkack is."

"No, people… I- have seen you making out with random boys in the hallway. This simply cannot go on. You must start acting like Luna."

"Well, then, you have to act like me. Deal?"

"Deal." I held out my hand, and Granger shook it. Then she walked away, scowling. (A/N: I might write a companion explaining how Hermione acted like Pansy, but… it'll be rated M, probably, so… maybe not. Insight welcome!)

Neville POV

So it was my job to tell Hermione the truth. That I wasn't Malfoy and all that jazz. Glorious. I found her sitting in a niche in a wall with Malfoy, but she stood up when she saw me.

"Um Neville, I have to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I almost answered her, but then I realized that she was talking to Malfoy. Obviously she thought that he knew that I was in his body. Wow. That made less when spoken than it did in my head.

"Um, Hermione? I need to talk to you. Like pronto." I stared at Malfoy, who was shaking his head vigorously at me.

"What's up, Malfoy?" she snarled at me. "What is this important thing you had to tell me?"

"Um, can we go somewhere a bit more… private?" I gestured to Malfoy sitting in the alcove. Hermione nodded briskly and we walked off quickly. Once Malfoy was out of sight, I tried to speak, but found I couldn't. I heard a voice whisper in my ear. It said,

"Langlock. You aren't telling her anything." Then, "Imperio." And I was speaking.

"Look, Granger, you know that Potter is getting really suspicious? He's noticing everything. Looney and I are having to make out- MAKE OUT- to get him to relax. I want you to trade back with Looney. This has gone too far."

"Wait." She looked at me and frowned. "That would just make things far more awkward. Then you'd have to be kissing me and not Luna. And I don't desire the misfortune of your company."

"Well, that's your misfortune, I suppose." I smirked, unable to stop myself. Finally the spell's effects began to wear off and I shook my head vigorously. But Hermione was already walking away with a confused expression on her face. "Wait! Hermione!"

"What?" she whirled around and glared at me.

"Someone Imperiused me! I didn't want to say that! Malfoy and I traded! I'm Neville!" I pleaded with her, but she just snorted.

"That's low, Malfoy. That's really low. 'Someone Imperiused me?' Not likely. They'd have to have an invisibility cloak. And the only person who has one in this whole school is…"

"Harry Potter," I breathed. This was getting weirder and weirder.

Draco POV

Getting the invisibility cloak had been difficult, but it was worth it. Now all I needed was a Time-Turner, and my plan would be complete. As long as Hermione was casting Neville under suspicion, she would never be suspicious of me. That was one of the wonderful qualities she possessed, one of many. Stop. Did I just think that NO I DID NOT. I hate myself. Damn this stupid newfound conscience. Where did IT come from? I ran back to the alcove just as Hermione was returning there herself. I threw the cloak off and smiled at her.

"What was that about?"

"Malfoy is such a… oh for Merlin's sake, I can't even think of a strong enough word."

"Dog? Venomous Tentacula?"

"That might be it." She grinned at me. "Love the Herbology references."

"Thanks." I made my best effort to blush. I don't think it worked. "So what'd he want?"

"Well, first, he basically told me that Harry was getting suspicious, so Luna and I needed to trade out, which makes absolutely no sense because that's implying that he likes me and," her voice rose slightly, "that's not possible because Malfoy doesn't like anyone but his own stupid self and that Pansy girl who I have the misfortune to be stuck in the body of, and," she was nearly in hysterics now, "then he claimed that he had been Imperiused and that he was really you, Neville, and…" her voice broke. "I just don't know what to make of it all. I really like you, Neville, but he just… makes me go weak at the knees, except when he's being a… Venomous Tentacula, I suppose you'd say."

"There, there." I patted her awkwardly on the head. "Surely, since I'm in his body, then I've got some of that charm, too?"

"Yeah. Definitely. It's there." She shook her head and laid it on my shoulder. It felt good. No it didn't. It felt wrong, and it made my stupid conscience twinge.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Hi everyone! I'm going to TRY to remember to update more frequently nowadays. And I need a lot of help with this story. Who should win? Let me know! -Ally**

Draco's POV

So why did I need a Time-Turner? I wasn't quite sure myself, really. But I knew that something had to be done, and quickly. I walked up to Hermione in Pansy's body and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Oh, hi, Neville. What's up?" she asked, turning around. I looked around quickly.

"You really shouldn't call me that in public. People might get the wrong idea."

"You're right, Draco. Sorry." Dang. My name sounded so good when she said it... I did not just think that, I did NOT just think that...

"It's quite all right, Pansy. I'm sure you could make up for it..." I tried to blush. It's much harder when you're trying than when you're actually blushing.

"It's okay, Neville." Hermione whispered, and I felt a pang of guilt. "I'll handle it." She winked at me. "Just... act like Malfoy. Make out with me."

"You did NOT just say that..." I stammered.

"It's what has to be done." Hermione shrugged and leaned towards me, so I kissed her. Mingled emotions swirled around in my brain. Happiness, guilt, sadness, pain, lust... no. I broke off the kiss.

"This is going too far. If it wasn't for McGonagall, I would trade back here and now. This is ridiculous." I tried to sound like Longbottom.

"C'mon, Neville! Get into the spirit of things!" Hermione grinned at me, and I tried to act like I wasn't guilty. Of what, though? Doing stuff like this had never bothered me before...

* * *

><p>Luna's POV<p>

I faced Neville. "You're right. Something has to be done. Malfoy just crossed a line, and he's not going to like what he finds on the other side." I tried to sound menacing.

"Whoa. You do a good Hermione." Neville blinked at me.

"I try. Now come on, we have to get those Nargles out of Hermione's head and get her to THINK."

"I think this is the weirdest situation I've ever been in," Neville muttered behind me. I shrugged and pulled at his arm.

"Come on. We've got to save her."

"Yeah, well, tell me when you do that."

"NEVILLE!" I started dragging him along the corridor. "Come on! We've only got this one free period!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Neville shrugged his arm away from me and started hurrying along as well. Soon, we reached the dungeons.

"Here goes nothing," I muttered, and we descended the steps. Neville shivered.

"This place always gives me the creeps."

"Get used to it." I delved further into the labyrinth and finally came across the Slytherin common room, where, in front of the entrance, Hermione and Malfoy were locked in a tight embrace. It looked like they were trying to eat each other's faces, actually. I cleared my throat. They went on, although Hermione opened one eye for a second. Then she closed it again. Finally the two separated, and Malfoy didn't even have the gumption to look remotely embarrassed. I nearly slapped him.

"Luna!" He whispered my name, checking the corridors to be sure that nobody was coming. "Malfoy! What are you two doing down here?"

"We had to find you two. The jig is up, Malfoy." I sneered at him. "Tell Hermione the truth."

"Don't tell me he's gotten to you, too, Luna!" Hermione looked at me exasperatedly. "THAT'S Malfoy. He's a liar and a jerk. C'mon, Neville, let's go inside. I'm getting BORED..." she licked her lips and Malfoy's signature smirk appeared on his face. Hermione had already gone inside. He stayed out for just a few seconds, enough to say one sentence.

"She's all mine now..."

* * *

><p>Hermione's POV<p>

I tugged Neville towards a loveseat. Blaise was the only one in the room. He looked up briefly, then back down, paying no attention to us.

"Look, Neville, people have been wondering. Pansy hasn't screamed out in a broom closet lately. She hasn't called Malfoy's name in the middle of the night. We need to at least put up a charade."

"How... accurate... would it have to be?"

"Think of it as a radio show. A little screaming, moaning, the usual... enough to convince people that we're really them."

"I see. I don't like it, but I see. When should we start?"

"As soon as possible. There's a broom cupboard by the old Divination classroom, let's start there."

"Whatever works best... but first I have to use the loo. You go on ahead, it'll look more real if you pull me in as I'm walking by anyways." I nodded, already planning.

"I'll meet you up there, then?" I asked.

"Yeah. Broom cupboard by Divination, right?" he asked. I almost felt bad for the poor guy, but it had to be done. I nodded.

"See you there." He turned around and headed towards the Slytherin restrooms. I turned and walked out of the door, already trying to figure out how to play this. Hopefully Pansy wasn't getting into any more trouble...


	11. NEWSFLASH

Okay, guys, seeing as how I've gotten so many reviews lately, I have to be quite frank with you. I'm not continuing any of my stories until further notice. I kind of lost the spark I needed to keep going with them. I'm very, very sorry. I hope that I'll be back soon with more, but no promises.


End file.
